How To Sell a Random Person’s House Key.

DISCLAIMER: PLEASE DON’T FOLLOW ANY OF THESE STEPS, THIS WAS All WRITTEN WITH COMICAL INTENT. HOPEFULLY YOU SHOULD BE SMART ENOUGH NOT TO HAVE FOLLOWED ANY OF THE STEPS HERE.

Have you ever wanted to sell things? How about a random person’s house key? Well, if so, then you have found the perfect place! Today I shall teach you the ways of selling a random person’s key to their house.

First off, there is the hard part: Finding someone’s house keys. So for this, I have created a fail safe plan on how to acquire someone’s keys. First, meet someone who has a house in Vermont, then become best friends with them (forcefully or not is optional). For the future, the person with a house key is now dubbed, “House-person”. Now that you are friends with House-person, you will ask to meet House-person’s other friends, for something later in the process. Now that you know their friends, you will (forcefully) ask them to join your operation. In this operation, they will all call House-person. House-person will most likely let you in their house. Once you’ve infiltrated the vicinity, you call up the call-fleet to start calling your House-person. Now that House-person is receiving calls from his friends, he will be on the phone, and that’s when you ask for his house keys, and since he is on the phone, he has no choice but to say yes.

Now this is where the selling part gets added in. The first step of actually SELLING the keys is to go to Pennsylvania. Start auctioning off the keys. Make the house seem FAR better than it actually is. Here’s an example pitch for an auction: “Have you ever wanted a large square consisting of materials such as bricks, wood, and cement? Well, boy do I have a deal for you! This rather old creation is called the house. Now, I know that you people probably have houses, but this house is extra great as it comes with free furniture inside! Now who DOESN’T want to double their furniture? The starting price is $200,000.” Now for the auctioning process, you have to keep on going until a bidder bids around 300k. But if no one wants to buy a house full of furniture for less than the price of a normal house in Tennessee, then just whoever bids first, give it to them.

Make the deal with the person who buys it. Now you have sold the house keys to a random stranger. So by now, your friend is really angry at you since, you know, you have just sold his house to a stranger. This part MAY be illegal, but everything is legal when there are no cops around! So, you essentially scam the guy. So what you do is you tell your friend that you are willing to give back his house for a price. Then you say $900,000 is the price. Now this guy has ALL of his belongings in his house, so he will have little to no choice but have to give in. So now you have $1.1 million! This is where the scamming part comes in. See for this, you had to have gotten a key that looks like his keys, but not actually them. Now you flee from the state back to Massachusetts.

So at this point, you have made over a million dollars and sold a random person’s house keys! So with this, you have learned how to sell a random person’s house keys illegally.