How to Sell the Two Halves of a Broken Pencil

the how-to guide on how to sell a broken pencil


Alexis Leduc

Hello all, this shall be the moment in which you shall learn how to sell the two broken bits of a pencil that has been split in half.

First of all, find the right demographic. You’re looking at people who need double the pencil action. So, look for people like students, teachers, and artists. Now that you know your buyers, try and appeal to them. Say things like, “I’ve always been interested in art” or something like that, even if it’s not true in the slightest. The point is, just suck up. Now start to begin making pitches, something along the lines of: “Have you ever broken a pencil? Well, if you have, you know the strength needed to complete such acts! And with your little weak spaghetti hands, you could definitely use a little help in the ‘breaking pencils in half’ business! Well, what if I told you that you never have to break a pencil again? What if I told you that you could pay people to break the pencils for you? Well, if you have ever had such a desire, then I’m the solution to your problem! With the all-new, ‘broken pencil’! It is just two halves of a broken pencil, both sharpened and with an eraser on the back! Buy now as there are limited pencils in the world to break!”

Now, if you’re an uncreative little crap, then you will copy mine, but if you’re a cultured citizen of humanity, then you should try to get creative with your pitch. You need to find a slogan for this amazing product. As an example, something like: “Just a broken pencil” or “We snap the pencils, so you don’t have to” and “Double the pencil action, just halved.” ( ͡ ° ͜ʖ ͡ °)”. With that, try advertising your pencils to gain people’s attention to your pencil. Things like posters, and poorly filmed commercials with little-to-no effort put into them. You know, the usual! And with that you are all set to go out there and sell some broken pencils. But before we part ways, if you run into someone else who is selling broken pencils (similar to yours), then destroy the competition. Good bye all.