Hello, all who might find yourself clicking on this fever dream of an article. Today, if you are willing to read for the next minute or so, I’ll be taking a page out of Matpat’s book and will be doing the pixel measurements to figure out the REAL height of Alfredo Linguini from the movie Ratatouille.

Now if you search up “Alfredo Linguini’s Height” on Google, good results won’t show up. For one of the first times in history, Google has failed the user. Things simply couldn’t stay like this, so I am making an answer to this question. First, we must start with the height of Remy the rat. The average sewer rat species in Paris, France is brown rats (the same as in New York), and the average size of brown rats is 11 inches from the head to the beginning of the tail. But Remy is smaller than some of the other rats in the movies, so I’m just going to make him 10 inches instead. Now, I went into Chrome Canvas and made this informational total piece of ART:

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As you can see in the picture above, I was able to measure the length of the hairline to the nose as 10 inches, and it’s 20 inches from his hairline to his shoulder.  What I then did was use the most reliable way of measuring things… my fingers! I used them to measure from his shoulder to his hairline on a full body picture, and just measured the rest of his body using the template I made with my fingers. I could fit 20 inches approximately 11 times on him, making Alfredo Linguini about 120 inches tall. Convert that into feet and you get this: 

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And with that, you now have all of the proof that Alfredo Linguini is 10 feet tall. But you think I’m going to stop there? Oh no no no no. You fool. I’m going to measure the height of another important character as well!

The main antagonist of the film is Chef Skinner. He has multiple scenes with Alfredo, and I was hoping to use those to try and scale him the same way I did with Alfredo, but sadly, they were never standing upright together. That’s dead end number 1. In my search for images of Skinner, i found this image:

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This image is almost perfect for what I am trying to do. I noticed that the wine in that scene has a brand name on it, so I searched it up, and found actual results. But as I searched for the height of the bottle, I couldn’t find any results. My lead was in shambles once again! The only reasonable option from here is to find out the average wine bottle size, and this time I actually receive results! The answer is 12 inches tall. At last! I’m onto something! With this new information, I go back into Chrome Canvas, and concoct this masterpiece:

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With that, I can deduce that Chef Skinner’s face is 12 inches long. Now I just have to scale his face to the rest of his body; in simpler terms, I have to see how many Chef Skinner face lengths fit on chef Skinner’s body… after using the same strategy of measuring, I have figured out that Chef Skinner is 6 feet, 2 inches tall.

With that, dear readers, you have gained some of the most useless knowledge possible: the fact that Chef Skinner from ratatouille is 6, 2, and Alfredo Linguini from the same movie is 10 feet tall. Enjoy living your life with this knowledge.